Post the Jokes

P.S. I know that there shouldn't be anything out of this topic but I was unable to resist the fact that the other users are not visiting this place.

Dear deepu.garima This is your first time so no problem. but be careful thet you don't double post. Try to post all your jokes in only one post.
Thanks

A teacher had just moved house with all her possessions including box and box of books.
As the van driver put down the last box in her second-floor-flat, he grumbled, “For heaven’s sake, lady, why didn’t you read them before you came?”

Customer: “Why are the signs in your window so full of spelling and grammatical mistakes?”
Storekeeper: “So that people will think I’m a full and come in expecting to get the best of me. Since I put up those signs, business has boomed.”

“Why do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue?” asked the son.
“Because fathers so seldom get a chance to use it,” replied his father.

“What is your age?” asked the judge. “Remember you are under oath.”

“Twenty-one years and some months,” The woman answered.

“How many months?” the judge persisted.

“One hundred and eight.”

A man walked into pet shop and asked about 547 beetles, 96 rats and about 6500 cockroaches.

'I am sorry sir but we only supply rats. But why do you want all the creatures for?' asked the shop-owner.

"I was thrown out of my flat this morning," repliedthe man. "And my landlord says I must leave it exactly as I found it."

The Police car siren blistering raced in front of aspeeding car and forced the driver to stop.

A heavily built policeman walked out and said,"Your name! please." taking out his notebook and pen.

'Certainly officer.' replied the driver. "It's Horatio Albus Xavier Idomeneus Slughorn Sybill Aeneas Iphicles Memnon Tyndareous Hylas."

The police man thought for some time looked at his note-book shook his head and then said,"I'll just give you a warning this time -- don't break the sped limit again.

Williams: My son is really nice.
Elsa: Does he drink or smoke?
Williams: No, he never does.
Elsa: Does he come late to home?
Williams : No.
Elsa: Then he really is nice. By the way, what his age is?
Willams: He will be six months next week.

Proud mother (Showing her son to her friend):Doesn't he look like his father???
Friend: Don't worry, he will probably change for the good as he gets older.

---

The frantic-looking lady came rushing out of her house into the street & cried :"Help Help My young son has swallowed a coin & is chocking. I don't know what to do "

---

Everyone looked the other way, except for a middle-aged gentleman who rushed into the lady's house, found her young son, turned him upside down and shook him until the coin fell out of his mouth.

---

"Oh, thank you " cried the lady. "Are you a doctor?"

---

"No madam," replied the middle-aged man. "I'm from the Income Tax Department"

Wife: Darling do you think we should go out for dinner?
Husband: Ohhh! yes, I am bored now from washing the plates.

Que.Where you can always see happiness?
Ans.In a dictionary